Reflection: Sharing dinners together

"It has been my privilege to volunteer with Project Esther on Thursdays. When I first joined, I thought I was there to support women through the challenges of life, but I’ve actually learned more from the wāhine than I could have imagined. They’ve shown me the power of using thoughtful and respectful language, the true meaning of confidentiality, and the importance of simply showing up.

Let me tell you about my first day. I was helping with a group of women who were reintegrating into society, and we had planned to run a craft activity each session. We decided on teaching crochet and had prepared starter dishcloths for each woman to work on. But as we went around offering the crochet supplies, not a single woman was interested. That’s okay, we thought, we have a second option—card making. Again, no takers. No problem, we thought, we’ll offer a third option—colouring in! A few women joined in, and we sat around the table chatting.

In my mind, I was thinking, “How are we going to fill the next two hours?” Thankfully, someone more experienced had ordered pizzas, which became an activity everyone could participate in. One of the wāhine asked how long we’d been doing this, and when I told her it was my first time, she said we were awesome. I certainly didn’t feel awesome at that moment.

As we wondered what we’d do for the rest of the year, we decided to cook a meal together. Now, two years later, there’s no craft—we cook, eat, and chat. I don’t feel like I’m doing much, and I remember leaving that first evening feeling completely exhausted. But when I reflected on the experience, I realized that the most valuable thing I can offer is simply my time. I’m not a qualified social worker or counselor; I’m just a woman choosing to be present and support other women. We’re all qualified to love and care for one and other."